No Reason and Every Reason to be Mad

“Are you sad?” I ask, because I see his face when I enter.

“Yah.” And he shakes his head like he’s not sure, like there’s some more macabre set of feelings he’d like to express. Like he restrains himself. Like I do.

“What are you sad about?” I say in my most calm, daughter, non-druggie, loving, rational voice.

“You and me. Char and me. The Broncos.”

“Well you don’t have to worry about you and me,” I say.

“I just can’t take it anymore.”

“It will get better,” I offer.

“I don’t want to talk about it.”

And I leave with Lacey, try to escape from the mess. It’s what I’ve learned to do. It’s the only thing I know how. 

The Difference

His bedroom is bare, because the stress of clutter keeps him awake.
I can't put away my apartment, because the thought of here wards off sleep.
He wants interaction; I do too.
He wants something exciting and different; I do too.
The only difference is us.

His wardrobe is rehearsed, because it's what he's kept of his creativity.
I switch between sweats and couture, because I'm in between dreams and sleep.
I want commitment; He does too.
I want forever and always; He does too.
The only difference is us.

There's more hate than a newborn baby.
More love than a murdered child.
Everything exists that never isn't possible.
Our future is as real as a black hole, spiraling before without after.
Is he wondering what that means?

My kisses are real, because they've always been and cannot change.
He longs for me when he needs something genuine, because I'll be there.
I want him to smile; He does too.
I want how it used to be; He does too.
The only difference is us.

My sorrow lingers, because you can never forget a true love.
His sorrow lingers, because true love travels back and forth between there.
He wants to know; I do too.
He wants open doors, and maybe that's the difference.

There's more hate than the ending of a war.
More love than a hurricane evacuation.
Nothing dies that ever didn't evaporate.
The past is funny like a fairy tale, something to discount while growing up.
Is he wondering what that means?

The only problem is us.
The only beauty is us.
The only sorrow is us.
The only difference is us.